Indiana Uzumaki power!
by ZenoNoKyuubi
Summary: Look! In the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane, no, its Indiana Uzumaki! This is mostly humor and it's not meant to be too serious. NaruxAnko why? Because I love NaruxAnko!
1. Chapter 1

'What the hell?' Naruto thought as a ringing sound was heard in his apartment. 'What the hell is that infernal ringing?! Oh... It's the alarm clock.' he thought with a smile before his eyes widened. "School!"

**LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--**

Iruka was in the classroom that had every single student in it except for one. Naruto. He was staring at the clock.

'Naruto has one minute left.'

Suddenly Naruto, wearing beige pants, a white, long sleeved shirt, a brown leather jacket, a hat and a pouch, slightly larger than a kunai pouch, hanging from a leather strap diagonally across his upper body so it rested on his hip, swung into the classroom through the window with a smile on his face and a whip in his hand (Indiana Jones style!) Strapped to his hip was a machete (Instead of a gun.)

"Never fear! Indiana Jon... err... Uzumaki is here!" Naruto shouted with a grin making the class sweatdrop.

"You're one minute early, Naruto. That's a new record." Iruka said with a smile as Naruto sat down.

"I know. The alarm clock woke me up two minutes earlier today. I must be getting the flu or something."

"Alright, guys." Iruka said with a smile. "It's been a pain in my ass watching you all grow up but my hard work is finally paying off. Today is graduation day! But you'll only graduate if you pass the exam. You will all come into this room and do the three academy jutsus." he said and looked at Naruto. "Including the Bunshin."

Naruto just stared at Iruka before lowering his head. "Fuck..."

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Last in line, Uzumaki... Needless to say the test didn't go so well. Naruto was supposed to make three clones. He made one. And it was pathetic! It looked sick and unmoving.

"You fail!" Iruka shouted making Naruto drop his head in disappointment.

"Iruka. Maybe we should pass him. He excelled on all the other tests. He just missed on this one." Mizuki said with a raised eyebrow making Iruka sigh.

"Mizuki-sensei... The requirement was three clones. Naruto made one and it's not even a good one. I'm sorry, Naruto, but I have no choice. You fail."

**LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--**

Later, Naruto was sitting in the schoolyard with a frown on his face when Mizuki walked up to him.

"Naruto. I talked to Iruka. He agreed to let you take a test that fit your abilities better."

"Really?!" Naruto asked with wide eyes. "What do I have to do?"

"Well, you have to go to the Hokage tower, sneak past the guards, steal the Forbidden Scroll of Sealing and learn one jutsu from it."

"Piece of cake." Naruto said with a grin on his face getting a smile from Mizuki.

"Good. Meet me at the shack in the forest just outside of Konoha, that's a good secluded place where you can learn the jutsu."

"Cool! Thanks, Mizuki-sensei!" Naruto said and got off the swing he was sitting on before taking off.

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Later that night, Naruto was in the Hokage tower and had just sneaked past the guards. When he was outside he had taken a bag and filled it with sand. Now he was in front of the pedestal where the Forbidden Scroll of Sealing was.

'Gently now...' Naruto thought as he held the bag of sand in his right hand. He grabbed the scroll with his left hand and got ready to take it. 'Quickly switch it... now!' he thought and quickly switched the scroll with the bag of sand. 'It worked!'

Naruto smiled and turned to walk away when the button that the bag was on sank into the pedestal making Naruto's smile turn into a frown. "Shit..." was all he said before taking off. Kunai's were launched at him from the walls. He ran past them easily. Just as he got out of the room and into the corridor he thought he was safe and smiled. A click from above him turned his smile into a frown once again. A huge boulder rolled of a ramp and started rolling towards him. He did the only thing he could think of. He ran.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! Motherfucking tittyfucking Christ! Come on, legs, don't fail me now!" he shouted as he ran from the boulder that just picked up more speed. Then he saw the end of the corridor where there was a window. He picked up some speed and jumped through as quickly as he could. Too bad he didn't think about the fact that he was ten stories up.

'When will this end...?' Naruto thought as he plummeted to the ground before slamming into it with a crash. Strangely though, he was unharmed.

'I'm the main character. I can't die. Especially not in the first chapter.' Naruto thought as he dusted himself off. 'Though I'm surprised no one heard that.' he thought and looked up at the sky. "What's with the rolling stone?! I'm Indiana Uzumaki! Not Indiana Jones! Jones is to the west!"

"Sorry... It got mixed up..." came a voice from the sky.

Meanwhile, to the west.

Indiana Jones had just picked up the golden statue when the statues on the wall opened their mouths.

'What the...?' was all he could think before eight strings of black fire were blown at him.

Back in Konoha.

Naruto sighed and took off towards the forest outside of Konoha where he sat down to read the scroll.

"Let's see here... first jutsu is Kage Bunshin... This is just great! The first jutsu is my most hated enemy!"

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An hour later, Naruto was sitting next to the shack panting in exhaustion. Iruka's voice was heard from behind him.

"You're in big trouble now, Naruto."

Naruto turned around with a smile. "Iruka-sensei! Do I pass now? I learned a jutsu from the scroll so I can be a ninja now, right?"

"What are you talking about?" Iruka asked looking puzzled. "Who told you that?"

"Mizuki-sensei did! He told me about the scroll, about this place, about the special test. Mizuki-sensei..." Naruto said and stopped when he saw Irukas shocked expression.

'Mizuki?'

Just then a bunch of shurikens and kunais came out of the woods and were about to hit them both but Iruka pushed Naruto out of the way, resulting in him getting scratched on the right thigh and left shoulder.

"Good job, Naruto. Now, hand me the scroll." Mizuki said standing on a tree branch with a smirk on his face.

"Hey! I'm not an idiot! I know when I've been set up. There's no way I'll hand the scroll over to you." Naruto said with narrowed eyes.

"Fine." Mizuki said and took one of those ridiculously large shurikens off his back. "Then I'll just kill you and take the scroll." he said and tossed the shuriken. Naruto took out his whip and attached it to the hole of the shuriken as it came flying. He swung it around his head and tossed it back at Mizuki who was taken by surprise and fell out of the tree.

"You're forgetting that I excelled in all other tests, Mizuki-sensei." Naruto said with a smirk. "And the fox has enhanced my strength as well."

"You know about that?" Mizuki asked with wide eyes as he got off the ground.

"Of course I do. The old man told me about it when I turned ten." Naruto said and smiled. "By the way, I just found out. Do you know why I suck at the Bunshin?" he asked and put his hands in half ram seals before crossing them. "It's because I have too much chakra. I can't use the small amount it takes to make a bunshin. Now check out my new technique. Kage Bunshin no jutsu!"

In a huge poof of smoke the entire area was over flooded by Narutos.

'That's not Bunshin. It's Kage Bunshin! It actually makes solid clones instead of illusions. Naruto, you learned this in just an hour or something?' Iruka thought with wide eyes.

The Narutos cracked their knuckles. "You hurt Iruka-sensei and you tried to hurt me. Time for an ass beating of a lifetime." they all said in unison.

"Oh boy..." was all Mizuki could say before the clones attacked.

**LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--**

Seventeen minutes and thirty three seconds later, Naruto was standing above the beaten and bruised Mizuki with a grin on his face.

"He was lucky I didn't use my whip or machete."

"Naruto." Iruka said with a smile. "Come here for a moment."

Naruto raised an eye brow and walked over to Iruka who removed his headband and tore off the plate before handing it to Naruto.

"Congratulations, on graduating." Iruka said with a smile making Naruto grin.

"Yes! I'm a ninja, ninja, ninja!" Naruto shouted jumping around happily before stopping with his eyes closed, a cool smile on his face and a raised finger. "But only part time. I'm also... a soon to be world famous archaeologist!" he exclaimed pumping his fist into the air.

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The next day he went to the Higarashi weapon shop with the Konoha plate and jacket in hand. He walked up to the counter where a man in his forties with brown hair stood behind it with a smile on his face.

"Excuse me, Higarashi-san. I was wondering if you could attach this plate to the left side of the chest on this jacket? And how much will it cost?"

"A job like this? Nothing, Naruto-san" Higarashi said with a smile and took the jacket and plate. "I'll have it ready in a few minutes."

"Thank you." Naruto said and sat down to wait. True to his words Higarashi came out of the back in just a few minutes with the jacket in hand.

"There you go. On the house." he said and handed over the jacket to Naruto who smiled.

"Thanks." Naruto said and left the store.

**LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--**

Six hours later he was in a room in the Hokage tower sitting on a chair in front of the Hokage who looked at Naruto's picture.

It was a good picture only he had drawn symbols on his face.

"Naruto... What's with these symbols?" the Hokage, Sarutobi, asked gesturing for the picture.

"It's Latin, Old man." Naruto said with a grin. "It says 'She who seeks true bliss should kiss this face'."

"Retake it."

Naruto sighed. "No fucking way."

"Retake the photo, Naruto."

Naruto put a hand on his chin and entered a thinking pose. "Hmm... How about... no?"

"How about... retake the photo or I will tear this paper to shreds, prohibiting you from becoming ninja?"

"Asshole..." Naruto muttered before nodding. "Fine. I'll retake the photo."

Sarutobi smiled. "And can you take off the hat when taking the photo?"

"Never! Tear the paper to shreds, I don't care, but you will not make me take off my hat!"

Sarutobi shrugged. "Meh, it was worth a shot."

**LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--**

The next day Naruto's papers were ready and he was in the classroom to get his team assignments.

"Team 7 will consist of Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke."

Naruto leaned in towards Sasuke. "Why is she on our team?"

"I don't know..." Sasuke answered with a sigh.

"Wait here for your senseis to come pick you up." Iruka said and left the classroom.

They waited for four hours before their sensei showed up looking lazy.

"Alright. Meet on the roof." was all he said before poofing out of view.

Once on the roof their sensei looked at them.

"Alright! Introductions!"

"What do you mean, sensei?" Sakura asked making Kakashi sigh.

'Is she really the smartest girl in her class?' he thought. "I mean names, likes, dislikes, hobbies and dreams."

"Why don't you go first? Just so we know what to do..."

"Who, me? Very well." Kakashi said and cleared his throat. "I'm Hatake Kakashi. My likes and dislikes are none of your concern. I have lots of hobbies... My dreams for the future...? Never really thought about them... Now you, Pinky."

"I'm Haruno Sakura. My likes are... (Glances at Sasuke with a blush.) My hobbies are... (Glancing at Sasuke again) My dream for the future is... (Here she glances at Sasuke and squeals.)"

"Okay..." Kakashi said and looked at Sasuke. "Now you."

"I'm Uchiha Sasuke. I have many dislikes and one of my likes is archeology. My hobbies are going with Naruto on archaeological digs and training and my dream for the future is to become a strong ninja and a good archaeologist."

"Great." Kakashi said. 'It seems he's given up that whole avenger act.' he thought and pointed at Naruto. "You."

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, though I prefer Indiana, or Indy. My likes are finding rare artifacts, ramen and my hat. My dislikes are noisy fangirls and idiots. My hobbies are digging up or finding rare artifacts. My dream for the future is to be known around the world as the best archaeologist ever to have walked this earth! That and become Hokage."

"That's good for you." Kakashi said and looked at his students. "Tomorrow we will have survival training. Meet me at training ground... 7..." he said and stopped when he noticed that two of his students weren't even paying attention to him.

"So, Naruto... What archaeological finds have you made recently?" Sasuke asked with a raised eyebrow. Naruto smiled and reached into his bag before taking out an old cloth with what looked like a map on it.

"This, Sasuke, is the map to the greatest find ever. This is the reason I got interested in archeology in the first place." Naruto said holding up the map that showed a huge valley with two statues on either side of it.

"What does it say?" Sasuke asked trying to read the faded letters on the cloth.

"It says 'Through the valley, into the mouth, complete the trials and find the path to the Holy Icha'." Naruto said with a smile. "The first ever Icha Icha, the book only talked about in stories, the very book of legends that inspired Jiraiya, the legendary sannin, to write his books. The holiest of holy. The first and best porno ever read." he said looking at Sasuke with a gleam in his eye. "Hard to resist, isn't it?"

Sasuke stared at the piece of cloth. "The Holy Icha... My dad used to tell me about it. Does it really exist?"

"According to this, it does."

"The Holy Icha..." Kakashi said with wide eyes. "You have a map that can lead us to the Holy Icha?"

"Yes." Naruto said and looked at Kakashi with narrowed eyes. "Why?"

Kakashi pulled out a copy of Icha Icha Paradise and showed it to Naruto.

"The Icha Icha series is like a bible to me. I would give my right arm and left leg to just hold the Holy Icha..." Kakashi said and snapped his fingers. "I got it! We're not going to do survival training tomorrow. We will... go find the Holy Icha!"

"But sensei! That's archaeological stuff. We're supposed to be ninjas, right?" Sakura asked making the three men stare at her for a few seconds before walking away talking vigorously.

"So, Naruto. Do you think there might be more things around these parts?" Kakashi asked getting a shrug from Naruto.

"Who knows. Maybe. But do you think the Old man will let us leave the village for something like this?"

Kakashi snapped his fingers with a smile. "I got an idea."

**LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--**

The next day.

Kakashi was in the Hokage's office with Naruto and Sasuke and had just told Sarutobi about his idea.

"You want to what?" Sarutobi asked with wide eyes.

"I want to remove Sakura from my team and turn it into an archaeological team. We will travel around the Elemental Countries, looking for relics to place in the Konoha museum and we'll also do missions on the way. Sakura is not suited for archeology. She's not suited to be a ninja either."

"But what made you come to the archeology decision?" Sarutobi asked with a raised eyebrow.

Naruto smiled and pulled out the map. "Look at this, Old man. Directions that will lead us to... the Holy Icha!"

Sarutobi choked on his pipe. "T-The Holy Icha?! But that was lost during the Nidaime's reign!"

"Apparently it was hidden away. No matter what you say we will go after it. This is what I live for, Old man!" Naruto said with a grin. "And once we've found it we'll bring it to the museum."

Sarutobi stared at the map with wide eyes. "Fine! Find it. And when you bring it here you can count on that the papers for Konoha's first archeology team will be ready."

"Yes!" Naruto exclaimed with a grin. "And Sakura?"

"I'll place her with Team 10."

"Great." Kakashi said with an eye smile. "We'll get some supplies and then we'll head out."

**LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--**

Half an hour later the three were at the gate. Naruto had everything he needed stored in a scroll in his pouch, Sasuke had the sleeping bags in a scroll and Kakashi had stored food and water in a scroll. Of course, in another scroll, he also brought his entire Icha Icha collection.

"Alright, guys." Kakashi said and started walking. "When we set up camp I'm gonna teach you the tree climbing exercise."

"Tree climbing?" Sasuke asked with a raised eyebrow. "What kind of training is that? Stamina?"

"That too." Kakashi said with a nod. "But it's also chakra training. The idea is to channel chakra to your feet and walk up a tree. Too little and you'll just slip, too much and you'll bounce off."

"That sounds hard." Naruto said.

"But it might be fun." Sasuke said getting a nod of agreement from Naruto.

"You should really master it tonight since you will most definitely need it in the valley on the map."

"Do you know what valley this is?" Naruto asked and Kakashi nodded.

"Yes. It's the Valley of the End. The place where the Shodai Hokage fought and killed Uchiha Madara."

"Uchiha... Madara...? Who is that?" Sasuke asked with a hand on his chin. "I think I've heard of him before."

"Uchiha Madara was the one who helped Shodai-sama create Konoha. Then, for some reason, he deserted. Shodai-sama hunted him down and during their wild fight, the valley was created. Then Konoha built the statues of Madara and Shodai-sama on either side of it."

"What can we expect in there, Indy?" Sasuke asked the blond who shrugged.

"I don't know. That depends on how much the people who put it there wanted to keep others away from it." Naruto said and looked up at the sky. "But whatever it is, I hope it's not a rolling boulder."

"By the way. Where did you find that map?" Kakashi asked making Naruto put a hand on his chin.

"Well... Three days ago I was digging in the forest to the west of Konoha when I dug up the entrance to the Temple of Icha. There, in the hand of a statue of the Icha god, Hentai, was this." he said and held out the map.

"Wow..." was all Sasuke could say.

"We'll set up camp here." Kakashi said three hours later as Sasuke unsealed the sleeping bags. "Now, go over to those trees and try to climb them only using your feet."

Naruto and Sasuke walked over to the trees and channeled chakra to their feet before trying to walk up. It didn't go so well.

"Shit!" Naruto shouted as he slammed into the ground for the fifteenth time that day.

"Ditto!" Sasuke shouted as he too fell to the ground. "What are we doing wrong?"

"I don't know..." Naruto said with a groan as he got up. He turned to his sensei who was sitting in a tree, giggling and reading his Icha Icha. "Hey, sensei! What are we doing wrong?! Give us some pointers!"

Kakashi sighed and put away his Icha Icha.

"Alright. The mistakes you're making is this: When you're climbing the tree, you need to put an exact amount of chakra into your feet. You two are not putting enough chakra into it, though it's harder for Naruto since he has a whole lot more chakra than any of us."

"Thanks to my condition." Naruto said, pointing at his stomach at Sasuke's questioning look.

"Oh." Sasuke said and nodded. "Gotcha."

**LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--**

One day, thirty faceplants each and one Icha Icha later, our heroes find themselves at the Valley of the End, staring at the overly huge waterfall.

"I'm starting to have second thoughts about this." Sasuke said, looking down before turning to Naruto. "It's the statue on this end, right? The Shodai?"

Naruto picked up his 'map.'

"No..." he said and pointed it at the Madara statue. "It's over there... All the way across the huge waterfall and the spiky rocks of doom at the bottom of it..."

"Oh, yeah." Kakashi said with an eye smile. "You don't know water walking, do you?"

"We didn't even know tree climbing!" Naruto shouted with a glare. "But I know how to get across."

"Oh really?" Kakashi asked, that annoying smile still on his face. "How?"

"We give you a rope and you, the only one who knows water walking, get across, tie the rope to something and let us climb over." Naruto said with a sickeningly sweet smile.

"I like that idea." Sasuke agreed, turning to Kakashi who gulped.

"N-Now, now! There must be another way!" Kakashi said while Sasuke unsealed a long rope.

"Less talking, more water walking, sensei." he said with a grin.

'This is for the greater good.' Kakashi thought, grabbing the rope. 'Though it doesn't mean I have to like it...'

**LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--LINE--**

**So? Loved it? Hated it? Tell me what you think?**

**R&R!! Please!!**


	2. Chapter 2

'Damn, lousy brats...' Kakashi thought as he ran across the raging river. Water walking was a lot harder when the surface was wild and bumpy. He'd almost fallen in twice now and he hadn't even made it halfway yet. 'This book better be worth it...'

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! How's it going?!" Naruto shouted with glee making Kakashi grumble.

"Damn brat!"

"Hey, Indy." Sasuke said, squinting his eyes, staring at the map. "There's something else written here..."

"Oh really?" Naruto asked, taking the map. Squinting his eyes he could see a near invisible text. "Let's see here... 'The first challenge: Solve the riddle; I am thin, tall and I cannot walk, but I have a tilted head. What am I? Second challenge: Prove your faith. Third challenge: Face the darkness and prove your worth.'" Naruto read and handed back the map. "Good to know." he said as Kakashi nearly tripped again.

Soon enough, Kakashi had reached the other statue and tied the rope to a rock on top of it.

Naruto tied the rope to a rock on top of the Shodai statue and got on it. He turned to Sasuke.

"We don't have to wear out our arms by climbing the rope or anything. We're ninjas as well. We can just run across the rope."

"Good plan." Sasuke said and got on the rope before running across with Naruto.

Once inside the mouth, they could see a long corridor leading up to a huge room. Inside the room was a floor that was covered in letters ranging from A to Z.

"This is the first challenge." Naruto said with a nod and turned to Sasuke. "Give me the map."

Sasuke nodded and reached into his pocket. Suddenly, all the color drained from his face.

"Uh oh..." he said and reached into his other pocket.

"Well? Where's the map?" Kakashi asked making Sasuke sigh, staring at the floor before mumbling something.

"What was that?" Naruto asked and Sasuke looked up at him.

"Umm... I dropped it..."

"YOU WHAT?!" Kakashi and Naruto shouted in unison.

"I must have dropped it when we ran across! I can't find it anywhere!" Sasuke shouted, frantically searching his pockets again.

"Damn you to hell..." Naruto muttered as he placed a hand on his chin. "Let's see here. The first challenge was a riddle... What was it again?"

"You don't remember?!" Sasuke shouted with wide eyes.

Naruto turned to glare at Sasuke.

"I didn't think I'd have to remember since we had the map! Why didn't you remember it?!"

"I thought you'd remember it!"

"Boys, boys." Kakashi said, placing a hand on each of their heads. "Arguing won't help. Now calm down. What can you remember?"

"I remember... I am thin..." Naruto said, deep in thought.

"And tall..." Sasuke finished for him.

"That could be nearly anything..." Kakashi said placing a hand on his chin. "Anything else?"

"I remember there being something about walking..." Naruto said, tipping his hat back and scratching his forehead. "People walk on me...?"

"No, no, no." Sasuke said and looked over the letters. "But I cannot walk. And I have a..."

"A...?" Kakashi asked as Sasuke wrinkled his brow in thought.

"A..."

"Tilted head!" Naruto exclaimed, tipping his hat back in its previous position. "But I cannot walk and have a tilted head!"

"Good job remembering, guys." Kakashi said with an eye smile and looked over the letters as well. "So... what is it?"

"I don't know... Tilted head... cannot walk... A lamp, maybe?" Sasuke asked getting a shrug from Naruto.

"Maybe. Let's try it." Naruto said and searched the floor, finding the letter L. "Here goes." he said and stepped on the letter. For a few seconds, they thought it worked, until a huge spike came out of the ceiling and nearly impaled Naruto who managed to jump away at the last second.

"Holy shit!"

"Okay..." Kakashi said calmly, as if a spike just hadn't tried to impale his student. "It's not a lamp..."

"You think?!" Naruto shouted, holding his chest.

"So... If it's not a lamp... what is it?" Sasuke asked.

"There's something we're missing here. It's like we're missing one little detail. Something that can... aid... us..." Naruto said and his speech slowed down as he realized something. "One!"

"What?" Sasuke and Kakashi asked in unison, snapping out of their thoughts.

"The number 1!" Naruto shouted. "Tall and thin with a tilted head!"

"Yes!" Kakashi exclaimed as he too came to that realization. "And it can't walk because... well, it's a number!"

"Exactly!"

"Great." Sasuke said and pointed to the floor. "Then spell it out." he said making Naruto freeze.

"Um... Sensei can do it."

"Ha ha! Good one, Naruto." Kakashi said with another eye smile that disappeared when he saw that Naruto was serious. "What, you're serious? No way! I had to run across that accursed river!"

Naruto turned to the Uchiha.

"Sasuke, you're the only one who hasn't done anything yet _and_ you dropped the map. It's only fair that you go."

Sasuke sighed.

"Fine. But if I die, I'm going to haunt you forever..." he said and searched the floor, finding the letter O.

"O." Sasuke said and stepped onto the letter, searching for the other one. Finding it, he jumped over to it. "N. And... E!"

Suddenly, just as Sasuke stepped on the letter E, the letters on the floor faded away and the spike retreated back into the ceiling.

"Great job, Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah... Bastard..." Sasuke muttered, taking a deep breath to make his fear of being impaled by a spike go away.

They continued walking until they got to an empty room.

"Is this the second challenge?" Naruto asked with a sweatdrop forming in the back of his head. "And empty room? Well, might as well take advantage of it!" he exclaimed and started walking, until he slammed into what looked like an invisible wall. With his face still attached to the invisible wall, Naruto spoke. "So this is the second challenge, huh? Prove your faith... That one, I remembered."

"I got it!" Kakashi shouted and took out a scroll, unsealing a bag filled with every single Icha Icha book yet, even the limited edition, Icha Icha Paradise: the roaming of the peaceful hero. He held the bag out to Naruto. "Take this and try it again."

"Okay." Naruto said and grabbed the bag. The sheer aura of pervertedness of the bag was enough to break the invisible barrier and even make some cracks in the walls.

"The power of Icha Icha..." Sasuke murmured as he watched in awe. "It's not something to be underestimated..."

"Go forth, young one." Kakashi told Naruto sagely. "We will wait for you here."

"I will return with the map. I promise you that." Naruto said and headed off into the dark corridor. When he had walked for what seemed like hours, he was stopped by a dark voice.

"Halt. Who dares enter the keep of the map?"

"I am Uzumaki Naruto. I am searching for the Holy Icha."

"For what reason do you want the holy book?" the voice rumbled.

"I want to take it to Konoha. It will be placed in a museum for all perverts to read."

"Are you one of them?"

"Hentai-sama is my god. The two people I travel with and I are perverts, big enough to rival even Jiraiya of the Sannin."

"Jiraiya of the Sannin... I am not familiar with that name."

"He is the biggest pervert of this time. He's the author of this times Icha, the Icha Icha series." Naruto said and the voice hummed.

"Will you read the Holy Icha."

"If that is what Hentai-sama wants. Even if she wants it to be destroyed, I will destroy it, even if it would pain me."

"I sense no lies in you. You are truly a faithful servant of Hentai. The power of pervertedness is strong enough to light your path. Go in peace, my child."

"Thank you." Naruto said as the corridor lit up to reveal a circular room with a pedestal in the middle of it. On the pedestal was a map. Naruto walked up to it, picked it up and read it.

"Hmm... Uzu no Kuni, huh...?" he asked out loud before leaving.

When he emerged from the dark corridor, map in hand, Kakashi's and Sasuke's eyes lit up with excitement.

"You got it?!" Kakashi asked with a crazed expression on his face, getting a grin from Naruto who put the map in his pouch. Now let's go. We head for Uzu no Kuni!"

"Yes!"

--LINE--

Soon enough, they had left the Madara statue and headed southwest. They were now in Nami no Kuni. On the way, they encountered the strangest genin team in the history of Konoha.

Flashback

The three were walking through a forest, perverted grins on their faces as they fantasized about the Holy Icha. Suddenly, two people came out of the bushes, panting as they did. The first one was Hyuuga, who the three thought was a girl at first due to his long hair, and a girl with brown hair tied into two buns.

"They're at it again..." the Hyuuga said, looking at Kakashi who stared at them in pity.

"NEJI, TENTEN! WHERE ARE YOU, MY MOST YOUTHFUL STUDENTS?!" came a roaring voice as two green blurs shot out of the bushes. When they stopped, the three perverts could see a man and a boy, both wearing green spandex suits. They had shiny, black hair in a bowl cut, HUGE eyebrows and the shiniest teeth one could ever find.

Kakashi stared at the two lazily while Naruto's and Sasuke's jaws hit the ground.

The man turned to Kakashi and grinned.

"KAKASHI! HOW ARE YOU, MY RIVAL?!"

"Hm?" Kakashi asked as he stared at the man. "Did you say something, Gai?"

The man, Gai, burst into tears before turning to the boy.

"LEE! PROMISE ME THAT YOU NEVER EXTINGUISH YOUR FLAMES OF YOUTH TO TURN TO THE HIP WAYS OF MY HIP RIVAL!!"

"I PROMISE, GAI-SENSEI!!" the boy shouted with a waterfall of tears streaming down his eyes. Then the worst possible thing happened. They hugged.

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

Suddenly, the scenery changed. Gai and Lee were standing on a cliff during the sunset. Waves splashed against the cliff, making everyone present sick to their stomachs.

"OH MY GOD!" Sasuke screamed as he covered his eyes.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?!" Naruto shouted as he too covered his eyes.

Gai got up and grinned towards Lee.

"Are you ready, Lee?"

"I'm ready, Gai-sensei!"

Gai and Lee got into a pose before they did something that was worse than hugging in the sunset.

They started singing.

_**We're men, we're men in tights**_

_**We roam around the forest, looking for fights**_

_**We're men, we're men in ti-ights**_

_**We challenge the hip and spout about youth, that's right!**_

_**We may look like sissies**_

_**But watch what you say or else we'll pull out your lights!**_

_**We're men, we're men in tights.**_

_**Always on guard, defending the youthful's rights!**_

Here, they slung their arms around each other's shoulders and started doing a really weird dance that involved kicking their feet into the air.

_**La la lalalalala la lalalalala la lalalalala lalalalalalala**_

_**La lalalalala la lalalalala la lalalalala lalalala**_

Now they got on their knees and flexed their biceps.

**_We're men, manly men! _**(Now they got up again)**_ We're men in tight, yes._** (Here they waved their arms in a _really_ feminine way.)

_**We roam around the forest, looking for fights**_

_**We're men, we're men in ti-ights**_

_**We challenge the hip and spout about youth, that's right!**_

_**We may look like pansies**_

_**But don't get us wrong or else we'll pull out your lights!**_

_**We're men, we're men in tights,**_ (Grabs the hitai-ates around their waists and getting on their toes) _**tight tights.**_

_**Always on guard, defending the youthful's rights!**_

_**When you're in a fix, just call for the men in tights!**_

Now they hunched over and flexed their arms with a grin. "We're butch!"

Gai stood up and grinned.

"Does that answer your question, my youthful friends?" he asked and turned to see Naruto and Sasuke rolling around on the ground in agony.

"OH MY GOD!! SOMEONE GOUGE OUT MY EYES!!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

Flashback end

Naruto shuddered at the memory.

--LINE--

Another chapter finished. I got the song and dance from Men in tights by Mel Brooks.

R&R!!


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